There are many times in life when you travel down roads you could have never foreseen. We ourselves often take detours and halfway there realize we took the wrong route, took the wrong exit or turned before it was time. Sometimes we think we couldn't possibly be on the right road because its bumpy, full of holes and feels unsafe. We sometimes turn around in fear of going too far into the unknown and miss the next curve that is supposed to be our destination.
How alike is our walk with God. He is guaranteed to take us into unknown and terrifying territory where we feel unsafe on our own, but for His Presence. The past 9 months have taken me and my family on such a journey. The devastation of my husband's brain bleed, stroke, seizures (4), coma (2), kidney failure(2), pneumonia, blood clot in the lung and his subsequent aphasia (speech, memory) was unknown terrifying territory. The miracle is that he has survived and strived. We were forced to travel down a road where we did not know the outcome.
We didn't know if he would live or die. We didn't know if he would know our names, remember our faces or be able to speak clearly. The first coherent thought I could think was Jesus. I couldn't pray. I could only say Jesus. My emotions were numb, but my faith was intact. I had to delve into a territory I had never gone to before. I had to examine every possibility from vegetative life to planning a funeral, my heart refused to accept some of those scenarios but I also knew I had to live in the real world. I had a peace that surpassed all understanding. I felt the Lord walking with me down that hallway 20 times a day and back. He held me upright on days I was so exhausted I could barely think. He made His Presence known in the clamping down of my lips against harsh words and bitterness.
Only one time was I able to read God's Word in those busy days. I was never left alone and there was never any silence. One night my sister brought me her bible to read because I needed His Word and I didn't realize I was hungry for it. I snapped pictures of a few scriptures that spoke to me, so I could look at them when I needed a lifting of God's Word.
**Unto thee will I cry, O LORD my Rock; be not silent to me: lest if thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit. Hear the voice of my supplications , when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands towards the Holy oracle** Psalm 28:1-2
**Blessed be the LORD, because He hears the voice of my supplications. The LORD is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in Him and I am helped therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song I will praise Him** Psalm 28: 6-7
**Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning** Psalm 30:5
**God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be moved and the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea...** Psalm 46:1-2
God's Word is a strength to us.
I literally had no strength in myself. I barely slept and when I did it was constantly interrupted. I drank coffee all day everyday. I didn't eat right and lived off of nachos, scrambled eggs and cheese fries. Suddenly all the things that my husband had been responsible for were dropped into my lap. I had to figure out how to run our life from a hospital ICU waiting room because I refused to leave. I refused to not be there if I was needed for anything big or small. It was up to me to make every decision involving his life and treatment. God guided my every step. Every keystroke He made sure was the right one. He made me hyper attentive to every detail and somehow made me remember Dr.s, nurses, medicines and terminology. He even sent someone to battle for me when something needed to be said.
That road was harsh and brutal at times and yet I see the beauty.
I don't know why it was that God has had us travel this road that we are still on. I know that in time His perfect plan will be revealed to us. There is a purpose. Even if it was to make me a more compassionate person it was worth it. It is worth it to see my husband go back to work. It was worth it to see him speaking more clearly every week. It was worth it to see the miracle that God has performed. I watched him conduct business today by himself only supplying things I knew he didn't know or remember...it was such a joy. It hasn't even been a year and yet here he is, defying the odds and living his life. He is so thankful and it has made me thankful.
If you feel you are on a detour of your life, look to God. Go to His Word, speak His promises back to Him, and remind Him of His Word. Trust Him completely. When you are feeling like you are on the wrong road, talk to God- He may want you right where you are for HIS purpose, no matter how scary, how uncertain, how unpredictable it is... that next curve could be your destination, it just doesn't look like a road you would take to get there. Abide in Christ.
LORD, we thank You for Your many blessings and we thank You for Your Son's sacrifice. LORD help us to realize our purpose, and that every detour You take us on is meant to grow us, change us, teach us, guide us, or open our eyes to something we have been blinded to. Remind us LORD that You are our Sovereign King and that nothing comes to us as believers that doesn't go through Your Hands first. Change our hearts daily to serve Your purpose and help us to preach Your Word and live out Your Word...in the Mighty Name of Jesus...Amen
